Holy crap! I'm gonna be a dad!!

I think my wife has a good idea here with this blog. I like this idea. What a great way to record our thoughts and feelings through this journey.

I'm so excited and happy, yet anxious and somewhat fearful (for many different reasons). In fact, I had a dream a few months ago, then a similar one just a few short weeks ago that has stuck with me, that we were gonna have a baby. I don't know if it was a premonition or what? At any rate, I've been ready for this moment, and to become a dad, for quite sometime now. I've prayed for this to happen, and God has answered my prayers.

My wife's account of my reaction is pretty accurate. I had just came in from letting the dog out and she was standing in the hallway near the kitchen - looking very pale. She told me she needed me to look at something. I asked what it was and she handed me the Clearblue Easy home pregnancy test, the digital readout 'PREGNANT'. My heart skipped a beat. I stood there frozen, for what seemed like hours in my mind, jaw agape. I think she's correct in quoting me...I think the first words out of my mouth were, "Oh shit!" Not out of disappointment, but only out of complete and utter surprise. We've been married now for almost 4 years (next month) and we had always taken the approach that if it were to happen, then it would happen. Well, IT happened! And I couldn't be happier! For so long, I just had figured my 'swimmers' (for lack of a better term) didn't work. You'd think after all this time, something would have happened. The other day, my wife said she thought I was, "just a little too geeked out" that my swimmers did work. Who knew?

After my "oh shit" proclamations for the next 5 minutes, we hugged and both of us let out a nervous laugh. My eyes swelled with tears. This was truly something I have always wanted.

As these past few days have passed, and I've had time to digest the thought of being a dad, I'm still very happy and ecstatic! I've spent loads of hours on the internet looking at different pregnancy websites and reading different stories. One thing I need to stop looking at is all the miscarriage stories. I fear that. I want this child. I can't tell you how much I love this child already. I know it's nothing more than just a clump of cells currently, but that's a clump of cells that will become a person. That person will be our son or daughter. A person we created. How awesome is that? In a way, it's not just my wife that's pregnant...it's me too. I just don't have to carry the child. I would if I could though.

I find the development inside the womb absolutely amazing. My wife is close to nearing the end of her 5th week of pregnancy, and so much is taking place right now. By this time, the baby is about the size of a sesame seed. They don't look so much like a baby, but more like a tadpole. The neural tube has started to develop, which will become the brain, spinal cord, nerves and backbone. The baby's heart and circulatory system has begun to form as well. In fact, this week is when their primitive heart will start pumping on it's own.

Reading all this is exciting. But in reality, I feel like nothing has changed...yet. I know I'm impatient. I know I'm annoying my wife to no end with all the questions. (See her post "Symptoms" from August 5th.) I think it'll all really sink in and hit me when we see our baby on the sonogram and see a beating heart.

Last night, we talked about names. That's kinda fun. We haven't set anything in stone. My wife is proud of her Irish heritage. Both her maternal grandparents immigrated from Ireland in the 1940s. She found a website that had suggestions for Irish names. She found a name I really liked - Teague, for if it's a boy. We couldn't find anything for a girl though. Earlier, I had thought Evan was a good boy name, and Amelia for a girl. She wasn't sold on those. She said she really liked Isaac. I disagreed. I pitched the idea of Elijah. She disagreed. But we have nine months to find something to call this child.

I found a really befitting prayer/poem by Debbie Chaffin - and it's exactly what has been going through my mind since I found out we're gonna have a baby.

Bless this child inside my womb

As she grows stronger each day

Keep her in your loving care

Watch over her I pray

With much anticipation

We're awaiting her arrival

And depending upon You Father

For this tiny one's survival

We'll love her endlessly

And care for her our very best

She'll be our pride and joy

This child with which we're blessed

Help us to remember

She really is Your child

You've put her in our home

For just a little while

Lord please bless our family

With favors from above

As we grow in size

May we also grow in love