Godspeed, Little Man...

Evan has been a bit of a bear to put down at night over the past couple days, maybe the past week. Seems every night around 9:00 he turns into Mr. Fussybutt and just wants to scream and cry. This will lasts usually until midnight. Our routine is that I take the late night shift...I will do his 9:00 and midnight feedings. He has been sleeping from 12:30am to about 4:30 or 5:00am, and Linda will take the early morning feedings. This worked great last week... However, a few nights this week I had to let him cry himself to sleep. That is so hard. I so badly wanted to hold and comfort and console him...but he just wasn't having any of it. No matter how much I fed him, burped him, checked his diaper, rocked him, read to him...he just wanted to scream.

During the day, he's a snuggle bug and loves to cuddle up and sleep. He has absolutely no problem going to sleep and napping during the day. We try not to let him sleep anymore than an hour so he doesn't get day/night confusion...but I think it's too late for that. We are now working on trying to keep him alert and awake so he gets on a more regular schedule.

I began to feel that I wasn't a good father...or that he was turning against me. I know that sounds crazy. But I went back to work last week... It seemed since I work during the afternoon and evenings, I don't usually get home til around 9:00pm...about the time he get's his diapers in a bunch. I began to think that he had forgotten who I was...and that maybe he felt I was a stranger... All he wanted to do was cry.

I'm worried that it's colic...but Linda doesn't believe it is. We've had to start supplementing formula with him...so that probably has a lot to do with it. Last night was so bad, that his crying was getting to me and it woke Linda up. She had to take over and get him to go to sleep.

So my anxiety was heightened tonight. Linda had a much deserved girls night out with her friends...leaving me alone with Evan for the longest time since he was born. I was worried that he would go into another crying fit and I was preparing for the worst. Especially since I had to let him sleep a bit longer in his swing than I had wanted, due to me boiling water, sterilizing his bottles, and mixing his formula in the kitchen.

Nine o'clock came and I needed to rouse the beast to get a bottle down him. He woke briefly and guzzled down about 3.5 ounces. I burped him as I usually do...usually after about every ounce or so... He started to get a bit fussy... Out of nowhere, a Dixie Chicks song popped in my head. Luckily I had it stored in my phone...so I played it for him...and sang it to him. He seemed amazed. He focused on my phone's light...and the music coming from it. He would look over to me as I sang...

He got a bit sleepy eyed...and I took him to his bedroom... After a diaper change and another big burp session, I rocked him in his glider and played and sang this song to him again... He drifted into and out of alertness...and we had a special moment. I'm not one to tear up at the drop of a hat, but this song tugs at your heart strings... I kept this song on repeat...and sang it to him over and over. He drifted off to sleep in no time... I placed him in his crib and kissed him goodnight...still singing this song. He was sleeping soundly...and still is an hour later. This time last night I was about ready to pull my hair out. Tonight, I feel refreshed and that I think I know what I'm doing as a father.

This is mine and Evan's song, from now on (skip to the song, at about 1:46 into the video):