Godspeed, Little Man...

Evan has been a bit of a bear to put down at night over the past couple days, maybe the past week. Seems every night around 9:00 he turns into Mr. Fussybutt and just wants to scream and cry. This will lasts usually until midnight. Our routine is that I take the late night shift...I will do his 9:00 and midnight feedings. He has been sleeping from 12:30am to about 4:30 or 5:00am, and Linda will take the early morning feedings. This worked great last week... However, a few nights this week I had to let him cry himself to sleep. That is so hard. I so badly wanted to hold and comfort and console him...but he just wasn't having any of it. No matter how much I fed him, burped him, checked his diaper, rocked him, read to him...he just wanted to scream.

During the day, he's a snuggle bug and loves to cuddle up and sleep. He has absolutely no problem going to sleep and napping during the day. We try not to let him sleep anymore than an hour so he doesn't get day/night confusion...but I think it's too late for that. We are now working on trying to keep him alert and awake so he gets on a more regular schedule.

I began to feel that I wasn't a good father...or that he was turning against me. I know that sounds crazy. But I went back to work last week... It seemed since I work during the afternoon and evenings, I don't usually get home til around 9:00pm...about the time he get's his diapers in a bunch. I began to think that he had forgotten who I was...and that maybe he felt I was a stranger... All he wanted to do was cry.

I'm worried that it's colic...but Linda doesn't believe it is. We've had to start supplementing formula with him...so that probably has a lot to do with it. Last night was so bad, that his crying was getting to me and it woke Linda up. She had to take over and get him to go to sleep.

So my anxiety was heightened tonight. Linda had a much deserved girls night out with her friends...leaving me alone with Evan for the longest time since he was born. I was worried that he would go into another crying fit and I was preparing for the worst. Especially since I had to let him sleep a bit longer in his swing than I had wanted, due to me boiling water, sterilizing his bottles, and mixing his formula in the kitchen.

Nine o'clock came and I needed to rouse the beast to get a bottle down him. He woke briefly and guzzled down about 3.5 ounces. I burped him as I usually do...usually after about every ounce or so... He started to get a bit fussy... Out of nowhere, a Dixie Chicks song popped in my head. Luckily I had it stored in my phone...so I played it for him...and sang it to him. He seemed amazed. He focused on my phone's light...and the music coming from it. He would look over to me as I sang...

He got a bit sleepy eyed...and I took him to his bedroom... After a diaper change and another big burp session, I rocked him in his glider and played and sang this song to him again... He drifted into and out of alertness...and we had a special moment. I'm not one to tear up at the drop of a hat, but this song tugs at your heart strings... I kept this song on repeat...and sang it to him over and over. He drifted off to sleep in no time... I placed him in his crib and kissed him goodnight...still singing this song. He was sleeping soundly...and still is an hour later. This time last night I was about ready to pull my hair out. Tonight, I feel refreshed and that I think I know what I'm doing as a father.

This is mine and Evan's song, from now on (skip to the song, at about 1:46 into the video):

Lessons Learned

Evan turns three weeks old tomorrow. Here's what I learned in the past three weeks.

Lesson One: Don't run to change the baby's diaper after the first fart. This is a not-so-fun game that Evan likes to play with us. You hear, smell and feel the poop going into his diaper and get up to go change him. Well, as soon as you slap that new diaper on you will hear 5 more farts and soon poop is oozing out of that brand new diaper. So you rush to get a new diaper going and when you remove the dirty one, he starts pooping - and sometimes peeing - some more. Today, Brian said he had the poop that wouldn't end. We are averaging about 3 diapers per changing, but that is down from four last week. We are learning.

Lesson Two: Costco generic brand formula is essentially the same as the Enfamil and Simulac brands. Compare the back of the labels on nutritional values and ingredients. Same. What's different? The price. Costco brand formula gives you 2 cans for $20. Or, go ahead and go with the name brands and pay $30 for one can.

Lesson Three: Don't forget to EAT. I know this is funny coming from me considering I turn into a monster when my blood sugar gets low. (Think about those new SNICKERS commercials that I think are pure GENIUS - particularly the one with Aretha Franklin.) At our first pediatrician's appointment, that was one of the things he stressed was making sure Mom didn't forget to eat. Well, it's not that I forget to eat. It's that I don't have time to eat. When Evan goes to sleep, I have a list of stuff I want to get done. Like, pump, laundry, baby laundry, fold laundry, shower, brush teeth, sweep, clean living room, dishes, clean bottles, let the dog out, etc. You can't squeeze all of that in during one or two or even three nap times. All of a sudden, you are warming up a bottle again and realize, "Hey, I'm STARVING!" So, since the bottle isn't warmed up yet, you scarf down some cold cuts and cheddar cheese without even bothering with bread (or closing the refrigerator door) because it's faster that way.

Lesson Four: Sleep when the baby sleeps. Crap advice. Nobody follows it because it's impossible. You are awake. You got stuff you want/need to get done. If you are lucky like me and have a wonderful husband who was off work for two weeks, then you can steal maybe one nap during the day time. Since Brian has gone back to work, it's either go for a walk or take a nap. I choose walking because I have expensive business suits that I need to be able to get back into in 6-8 weeks and don't have money to buy a new work wardrobe for my enlarged butt. Plus, I really miss wearing professional attire. I don't know why. I always thought I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, but sometime during the last 10 years that seemed to change...

Lesson Five: The Boob Nazi's might have had something with this whole three-hour feeding schedule. The wells are running dry and we are having to supplement with formula. Part of me wishes this wasn't so, the other part is ready to get my boobs back to normal again and be able to wear comfortable bras (do they really exist?). I started skipping pumping sessions to correlate with our established sleep schedule. Evan eats around 8-9 p.m. and then again around 11:30 before going to bed at about midnight. Brian takes care of the last feeding of the night before putting him to bed. For the past week, Evan will sleep from midnight until about 5 a.m. Awesome. I would get up and do the morning feeding and then pump after that.

If you want to feed your baby breast milk for longer than 3 weeks, I recommend pumping every three hours like the Boob Nazi's instructed. Then again, this could be an isolated incident that affects only me. You have to do what works for you. That being said, I have a Medela portable pump (in a stylish black back that has a plug-in as well as a backup battery power) and all the accessories that will be for sale in the very near future. Let me know if you are interested.

I'm sure we will learn many more valuable lessons in the weeks ahead. Friday will be his first extended road trip (about 90 minutes - two hours) as we go visit Aunt Bridgett and his cousins for the day. He did well on the hour drive out to Grandma and Grandpa's over the weekend, so we'll see.

I'll try and be better about writing more frequently, but if it comes down to eating versus blogging, eating will always win out. :)

On our way to Grandma and Grandpas' house

The Nightly Ritual...

It seems Evan is a night owl. While most nights he goes to sleep okay, and he's been known to sleep in 4 to 5 hour stretches between feedings and diaper changes, he just doesn't wanna go to sleep when it's mom and dad's time to go to sleep. A few nights over the past week have gone something like this: (Note: These times are approximate, here in our household we do not follow a strict time regiment. We are not that perfect or anal-retentive.)

• 9:00pm to 9:30pm - Evan takes between 3 to 3.5 ounces. We try to burp him betwixt every ounce. At some point during this, Evan farts and poops his pants.
• 9:30pm - He usually goes into what we call the 'milk coma' when he drinks anything more than 3 ounces, it's almost automatic.
• 9:32pm - Get a clean diaper on Evan. He sleeps through the whole thing.
• 9:35pm - We attempt to swaddle him and lay him down in his crib for sleep. Through trial and error, we've learned that Evan likes to be swaddled, but he wants his arms free. I turn on his fan, night-light soother and turn off the light and close his door.
• 9:40pm - No sooner than I shut his bedroom door, he rouses and starts to fuss.
• 9:45pm to 9:50pm - Evan is wailing full tilt by this point. Linda and I listen attentively to the baby monitor, wondering when we should go back in or if we should give him another minute til he goes to sleep.
• 9:52pm - I go in there to see what the matter is... I pick him up... He's throwing punches and flailing his legs. He's pissed and has the most pitiful scrunched-up face.
• 9:55pm - I try to burp him, attempting to find out what is the problem. He lets out a hefty chunky burp with a little extra somethin'-somethin' that he was trying to save for later.
• 10:00pm - He zonks out again. I try to get up from the glider to put him back to sleep, but he wakes again and starts to fuss.
• 10:05pm - I think he's hungry, so I warm up another bottle and try to 'top him off'...
• 10:05pm to 10:15pm - He takes another half to full ounce.
• 10:15pm to 10:20pm - He drifts into and out of sleepiness...fighting sleep...and finally succumbs to it. I put him down again.
• 10:22pm - The beast rises again!
• 10:25pm to 10:45pm - He gets a violent case of hiccups. The kind that shakes his whole body. This pisses him off, and he cries and cries. Periodically he'll stop crying...and have a look of exhaustion and defeat on his face. It breaks my heart because there isn't anything I can do to make them stop. I just hold him and try to comfort him.
• 10:50pm - He poops his pants again, and I change him once again.
• 10:53pm - I forget to put a wet wipes over his wee-wee and he sprays himself in the face, gets me, the changing pad table (soaking the cover) and the wall.
• 10:55pm to 11:00pm - Sort through his sleep sacks to find another one that fits. He's grown to the point were he kinda still fits into the NB sizes, but they are a bit small and snug. The 0-3 sizes are still kinda loose and big yet.
• 11:05pm to 11:10pm - He fusses a bit more... He finally nods off. He sleeps til about 4:30am, and Linda has to repeat this process.

Funny thing is...this only happens when we are ready to go to bed. During any other point in the day, he'll nod off after eating, we'll lay him down in his crib and he'll sleep for a good hour or two without any fussing.

Linda & I are still trying to get this down, we're novices... Some nights are better than others. For the most part though, he's a great sleeper. Just this past week, almost every night has followed this timeline of events. We'll get it, eventually... I asked Evan to please be patient with us... He said he'd think about it.

Evan's First Bath!

Touched

Today Evan is two weeks old. He had his two week check up and everything is good! He is 9 pounds, two ounces and 21 and 1/4 inches long. His eyes have also cleared up significantly since Saturday.

It's been great these last two weeks getting to know our little man. We've also been extremely touched by the generosity of our friends, family and people we barely even know. The notes on Facebook, emails, cards and phone calls really brighten my day - especially when nerves start to get a little fried from the disrupted sleep cycle. It's awesome how today's social media enables us to share this milestone with so many people we probably would have otherwise lost track of.

Please keep the phone calls, messages and advice coming! It really does make us smile. Thanks!

Did I brush my teeth today?

We are finally settling into a bit of routine with Evan. Establishing this routine has taken a lot of work and patience. Every waking moment has been centered around establishing an eating, awake and sleep cycle for Evan. While he is sleeping, we are taking naps, showering and doing basic household chores. Sometimes I forget to go to the bathroom until I realize I need to go RIGHT NOW!

The other day, we realized we needed to run up to Target for a few things. On our way there, I realized I had not brushed my teeth that morning. I said out loud to Brian, "I don't think I brushed my teeth today." He thought for a second and said, "Yeah, I think I forgot, too."

We've been so focused on Evan and making sure he is eating, sleeping, getting his diaper changed, read to, tummy time, etc., that we forget to do basic things for ourselves, like shower and brush our teeth. But, we are getting better. Both Brian and I were able to shower today. Usually, its one or the other so we are going in the right direction.

Speaking of right direction, we took Evan to the doctor on Saturday. His eyes were all crusted over and it seemed like he had the beginning stages of a little cough. The cough was normal and nothing to worry about. The eyes appeared to be a blocked tear duct and we were given antibiotic eye drops. But, when we got to the doctor's office, they weighed Evan. He's back up to 9 pounds, 2 ounces! He's gaining weight!

Yesterday, his umbilical cord fell off. Our baby boy is getting bigger and bigger! Yesterday was also our first restaurant outing with Evan. He slept the entire time! Awesome. If we go in between feedings, we shouldn't have any problems for a little while.

We are almost through our first two weeks together. Time flies. I think, for the most part, both Brian and I are getting some pretty good sleep and nap opportunities. We've been ALOT more diligent about keeping the house clean, but we've also managed to have a "lazy day" with Evan, too. The steady flow of visitors has slowed. This also helps get us more into a routine.

I also had a funny moment. I realized that the only summer clothes I had were a single pair of khaki capris, a polo shirt (with a company logo on it) and about seven business suits. Since I won't be needing my business suits until June, I figured I should probably get some clothes I can hang out in. We took care of this the other day as well.

Fatherhood...

Fatherhood is a crazy thing...and I'm loving every minute of it. I haven't updated in awhile, but as many of you know, newborn care is quite time consuming... I'm catching on to it and cherishing the moments... When Evan falls asleep in my arms. When he looks me in the eyes and studies me. The coos he makes when he's eating.

The nurses told us that they wanted both of us to have skin-to-skin time, sometimes called Kangaroo Care, with him... It helps him thrive and get to know both of our scents...and it's a great bonding moment for all of us. This is my favorite thing to do with him right now. Evan usually melts right into you... It's funny when you lay him on your chest...and he kinda looks up at you with those big sleepy eyes...

Apparently it's a big milestone for infants to be able to lift their heads...but Evan did this right out of the womb. When Dr. Schieber placed Evan on Linda...he was screaming bloody murder, but was also lifting his head. His neck muscles have continued to strengthen, and he's now able to hold up his huge head a bit longer. He does this when we are snuggling a lot...

As Linda mentioned, Truman has done great with Evan...and is now his fierce protector. This picture has become my favorite of them...and will soon be blown up, framed and hung in Evan's bedroom above his dresser/changing table. We are thinking a 20x30.

Now, I'm worried. But you all know I'm a worrier. Yesterday, all day, I noticed and wiped away goopy, sticky, eye boogers in both of his eyes. It just got worse over the course of the day. Early this morning (Saturday) when I was feeding him, it was so crusted over that I had to use a warm wet washcloth to help him open his eyes. He's eating okay (in fact at 3.5 oz. this morning), sleeping okay, doesn't have a temperature, pooping and peeing okay...but these crusties are gross and its heart breaking to see him like this. We called our pediatrician (they operate weekend hours), and told us that it sounded like he has blocked tear ducts, which is common in newborns. They told us to massage his tear ducts and wipe away the crusties with a warm washcloth...and if there wasn't any improvement by Monday to call again. I just hate seeing him like this...