Don't speculate about a speculum

This morning I woke up around 4 a.m. and thought my water had broken. I woke up Brian, we called the doctor, and they advised us to come in and get it checked out. So we did.

We go in, I pee in the cup, put on the paper-thin gown and lay down in the observation room. The nurse hooked me up to the baby monitor. Little Nugget has been very active and apparently is full of energy at 4-5ish. When she started to strap the monitor on, he kicked. HARD. The nurse jumped back like she expected a foot to be sticking out of my stomach.

Then I had to lay there. They said I needed to lay flat for 20-30 minutes. This would help them determine whether or not my water actually had broken. No sweat.

Then came the exam. Let me tell you about an instrument called the "speculum." Well, actually, those of you who've been through this already know. Those that haven't, trust me, you don't want to know. Let's just say that if they had this device at Guantanamo, water boarding would have been the warm up round.

Fortunately, everything checked out fine. My water did not break. All is good in the neighborhood.