Auntie Em, Auntie Em

Downtown Kansas City - May 24, 2011

So, here we are in the middle of the month of May, and another springtime in Kansas City. Being in the Midwest, and growing up here, supercell thunderstorms and tornados are just a part of life.

When I was little, tornados and severe weather used to freak me out, like most children. But I came to embrace it as I got older. I love thunderstorms and tornados now, for the sheer power and energy contained in them...but I only love them when they do not hurt or kill anyone, or cause any property damage. A dream job of mine has always been to be a tornado and storm chaser. Seeing a tornado is like a rite of passage for those who are born and bred in the Midwest. I've had a few encounters with them, and they are something to behold. But nothing to play around with either.

However, with the recent tragedy last Sunday in Joplin, and the 125 persons (so far) that tornado claimed, it really puts things into perspective...especially since this hit sort of close to home (2+ hours driving to the south of Kansas City). This isn't the first EF5 tornado to strike, and it won't be the last, and it being "the deadliest tornado in US history," it has made me stop and pay attention a bit more.

Before Evan, when tornado sirens were sounded, I did one of two things. I either ignored them completely, or I went outside to see if I could see anything. I think I can count on one hand how many times in my life I've had to seek shelter...and all that was from my childhood when the tornados were too close for my parents' comfort.

Today, though, I was home alone with Evan. Linda was at work and the news cut into programming with a tornado warning for a county south of us. I called my dad to let him know, since it affected where he was...then called and texted Linda since she works near there. She had already evacuated to a stairwell in her office complex. Then the sirens sounded here at home.

I don't get worked up and go into a panic when things like this happen, but with the stories coming from Joplin rolling through my mind, mainly about the heartbreaking story of the 16 month old child (just a few months older than Evan) that was sucked from his mother's grip in Joplin last Sunday when the tornado struck their house...I couldn't help that my heart started to race. I had just laid Evan down for a nap. I paced back and forth, went outside to observe, and debated about going downstairs to our basement.

Linda text me that they were waiting the storm out and a tornado was spotted on the ground about 2 miles from where she was. She then sent a text immediately following that one that I should probably go to the basement with Evan, if I wasn't already there. Evan had been napping for about 10 minutes, and I went to grab him, gathered Truman, and headed downstairs.

Our condo is about 80 years old, with a dark, dingy, dirty, smelly stone basement that reeks of mildew. I was not gonna let Evan down and toddle around on the gross floor, so I held him for the entire time until the storm passed...which was a good 45 minutes. While down there, I started looking around at this basement for a game plan for worst case scenario, running through all possible outcomes. There would be no way we could be all that safe in this old building. It's all made of and has the original brick and mortar... The basement leaks and has glass windows near the ceiling. There is no interior room to take cover in. How would I protect Evan and Truman and myself if our building took a direct hit? There really wasn't a good place for us to hide. Tonight, Linda & I decided that our new place of refuge will be our interior hall coat closet...

Thankfully, we didn't have to worry about that, and I scoured facebook on my phone for updates since we don't have a weather radio. The sirens went off, re-sounded, and went off again for almost an hour...and by the time the all clear was given, my humerus felt as if it was gonna detach from my scapula...holding a chunk-and-a-half of a boy for that long will do it to you.

As I've stated before in prior posts, having a baby really changes everything. If we never had Evan, I would not have even given a thought about going to the basement. But I've got this innocent life I have to protect now, and I will do whatever I can to make sure he's safe, even if I die doing it.

Tomorrow I'm going to scour the city for a weather radio. It's time to buy one, especially with how this tornado season is going...

The Worrisome Father

Those who know me, and as I've written before in past blog entries, know that I worry constantly. I can't help it. It's just part of the fiber that is my being. It's almost a disease in and of itself. I promised myself when Evan was born that I wouldn't unnecessarily worry about the things Evan does. Nor would I call the doctor at every little cough or sneeze. And, for the most part, I think I've done good at sticking to my promise. In the back of my mind, I always have these fears and thoughts that I try to keep at bay...things like cancer, autism, Asperger's, SIDS, etc. I try to not let it consume my thoughts, but sometimes I will observe certain things that Evan does that makes those worries surface.

For instance, last night, Evan did something he's never done before...an unusual behavior for him that he's never done before. Something so innocent and probably means nothing, but I couldn't help but worry about it. I recorded this video this morning... See for yourself:

He paced back and forth, from the carpet in the dining room, to the coffee table in the living room... He did the same exact thing last night. Did about 20 laps, then got pissed off when I picked him up and tried to direct his attention elsewhere. While to most veteran parents this may be nothing to worry about...I couldn't help myself. I mentioned it to Linda last night after Evan had gone to bed. She didn't seem too concerned by it, and explained that it was probably some new game he had discovered and a way to keep himself awake. This morning, when he did this again, I almost instantly Googled autism. Then OCD. While this certain behavior doesn't necessarily fit into those symptoms, I texted Linda this video. She responded back, "Call the doctor." Using her reaction as a basis of whether or not I should panic, I asked her if she was concerned too. She responded back, "Just call and ask." So I did.

Evan's pediatrician's nurse then called back a few minutes later...and I explained it. She reassured me that Evan was probably just exploring more and found something that kept him entertained. I explained to her that I worry, sometimes for no good reason, and the thought of autism popped in my head. She asked me if Evan makes eye contact? Yes. Does Evan snuggle? Yes, if he's in the right mood. Questions I found online also do not mirror an autism diagnosis - Does Evan know his name and responds? Yes, for the most part. Does he smile and laugh? Yes. Does Evan express his emotions (happiness, joy, wonder, frustration, anger)? Yes. Does Evan reach out to be picked up? Yes. Evan had his 9 month well-check appointment a few weeks ago, and his pediatrician was pleased with his development (as he has always been), and Evan seems to be reaching all the milestones on time. In fact, Evan is standing on his own now and probably will be walking soon.

I know I'm weird to worry about this, but this behavior seemed to be a bit neurotic to me. Is it normal? While I felt a bit better after talking to the nurse, the thoughts still linger in the back of my mind. It's just I want Evan to have the best chance at life...and I can't help but watch over him like a hawk. However, I'm not the type to sneak into his room at night and check to make sure he's breathing, or jump at every peep he makes when he's sleeping. But it doesn't help that I'm suffering a bit from cabin-fever (it's been another brutally cold, crappy and snowy winter here in Kansas City...) I don't want to be that parent that hovers over their child, I just want to be sure to protect him. I know there's nothing I can do if he were to develop any of these horrible afflictions kids sometimes get. I just pray we don't have to deal with these things.

Papa Bear Instinct

You know, it's funny being pretty much a stay-at-home dad. I love being able to take care of Evan. I love the bond that has developed between him and I. I love being able to show him new things and teach him about the world. I'm especially excited about this coming summer...since he'll be a bit more sturdy to travel and should be ready to venture out of the house and we can explore.

I've got a job that allows me to arrange my schedule and lets me have this time with Evan. Linda, on the other hand, works in the corporate world and has the usual 8a-5p Monday through Friday job. It only made sense for me to stay at home with Evan once Linda went back to work after maternity leave. It's funny though...lots of my friends and coworkers shower me with praise for being a stay-at-home dad. I'm not doing anything spectacular...if the shoe was on the other foot, would they shower Linda with the praise I get? I know it's still a rarity for the dad to be the primary caregiver, but this trend is growing...

Recently I discovered an area stay-at-home dads group that gets together twice a week for play dates, and every month, they have a "dads night out" which is where we leave the kids at home with the wives and just the dads meet up for drinks, movies or whatever. I'm excited about this group, that has about 70 total members, and it gives me the chance to get out of the house and Evan around other kids...helping both of us socialize. It looks pretty cool...every Wednesday they meet over at a group member's house during the late morning to afternoon. Then every Friday they have, what they call "Adventure Fridays", which is an outing of some kind...whether to just the park or museum, or to a civil war battlefield or the zoo, or whatever. I contacted KCDADs organizer, Mick, last week and he invited me out to Fun Run last Friday.

I dunno why or when it started, but when I'm thrown out of my comfort zone and meeting new people, I get nervous and a bit anxious. I never used to be socially retarded, but over the past few years, I developed this weird uncomfortableness or awkwardness around new people. I hate it...but figured I'd overcome my insecurities and try this group out.

Evan & I show up and quickly meet up with Mick. There's about six or so other dads there with their little ones...ranging in ages from 3 months to about 4 or 5 years old. Everyone seemed to be really nice and welcoming. Mick gave me the overview about the group...and another fellow dad, Shannon, invited me out for the upcoming Dads Night Out next week. I'm still rolling around in my head if I should go or not.

Another fellow dad (I've forgotten his name) warned me that his son, who is about 2 or 3 years old, is the most difficult one of the entire group. He explained that his son has always been difficult since he was a baby...but he seemed to be doing okay that day. Evan seemed to love the interaction with the other kids and Fun Run. They had an area designated for 3 and under with large colorful toys and other cool stuff. Evan was fascinated by this one large wheel thing that had balls inside. However, he encountered his first "bully" (if a child that age can really be a bully?)...the aforementioned child. He was on the other side of this large wheel, playing with the paddle that hits the balls around. He saw Evan staring in wonder at all the bright cool colors...and apparently he didn't like that. He stormed around the corner, covered Evan's eyes with his hands and yanked Evan backwards and hit him on his head. It happened so fast, and I was right there with Evan the whole time... I snatched Evan up and the other kid's dad came over and scolded him for it. He asked if he knew why he got into trouble and made his son apologize to Evan. It then happened again, Evan was still playing, and he got mad that Evan was still there, and came back around and tried to hit Evan on the head again. His dad was there and stopped him before it happened.

Right before we left, Evan was playing with some other large toy that had cylindrical spinning blocks with letters. The same kid was still playing with the large wheel nearby. He glanced over at Evan and me...and came over and got in the way of Evan playing and pushing him out of the way. That's when my papa bear instinct came out. I told him to stop, and that he could play and share, but Evan was there first and not to ever touch or hit Evan again. He stopped and went back to playing with another toy. My blood was about to boil.

I hope that this child isn't gonna be a problem for Evan. His dad knows that he has issues, and is working on correcting them. I just hope for my sanity and Evan, this kid stops what he's doing. This isn't gonna stop me from going to future playgroups...

But in all, I think this group will be a good thing for the both of us...and I look forward to what's in store!

Things I worry about...

Those of you who know Brian and I, you know we have a dark sense of humor as well as a pretty unsophisticated sense of humor - we laugh at fart jokes. So, if you are easily offended, I recommend you stop reading and just go browse somewhere else.

A few nights ago, we were sitting on the front porch after putting Evan to bed. Brian started browsing through The Onion and found this:




We laughed hysterically and then prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let this be our son."