"Gogan"

That seems to be Evan's favorite jibber-jabber word. He points to the light on the ceiling. "Gogan!" He points to Truman. "Gogan!" He points to the liquor bottles on top of the curio cabinet. "Gogan!" At first, I thought he was trying to say "doggie", but apparently everything is a "Gogan!" Except the cat. When he sees the cat, he points and exclaims, "Keee! Keee!" I'm assuming that's his way of saying "kitty".

I worried about his speech development, because he never really busted out the "mama" and "dada" words, and he just would babble, but never formed any words. We read to him everyday, almost everyday, and when he plays and points to things, we tell him what they are. He did say a string of "dadadadadadada..." months ago, but I never really counted that as a word, used in the proper context (technicalities, I know). So, I guess "Keee!" is Evan's first word used in the proper context. I'm sure it's only a matter of time and then we won't be able to get him to shut up! And I really need to clean up my language around him. I'd hate for him to be at some family gathering and bust out a string of cuss words that I'll occasionally let slip with him around.

Evan's Birthday Week

Evan had a good 1st birthday! We celebrated a week ago yesterday with several family and friends, then had his own birthday celebration here at home and at Poppie & Gramma Shirley's on his actual birthday! Hard to believe this little guy is already a year old. This past year has been one of the most exciting, uplifting, emotional, stressful and happiest of my life. It has gone by so fast, yet in the same aspect it feels like it has been the longest year of my life! I've learned a lot. A lot about parenthood, babies, myself, patience, and childrearing.

Two years ago, I had no idea how to change a diaper. I had no idea how to bathe or dress a baby. Two years ago, I had no idea if a baby was constipated just by seeing the poop in his diaper. Not that long ago, our condo looked like just a married couple lived in it; the latest Sports Illustrated, People magazine and iPhones on the coffee table, our shelving unit under the TV had pictures, books and DVDs, all the electrical outlets didn't have plastic covers over them, our condo was free flowing and didn't have baby gates or other items to hurdle that blocked access from certain rooms, we had a guest room... Certain items we had before have not survived this past year. The Irish green hand-blown vase Linda bought years ago, from Sheehan's, that used to adorn the dining room was the first to go... Then the stained lead glass fireplace screen was next. All that has changed now. Instead of magazines on the coffee table, it's stacked with kids books - "Green Eggs & Ham", "The Cat in the Hat", "The Tale of Peter Rabbit", "Zoo Picnic", "Goodnight Moon". The shelf beneath the TV is empty...the cable box, DVD player, WiFi, and Apple TV have all been moved to the fireplace mantel. The pictures and other decor have been moved up to higher ground too. All the electrical outlets have been covered with plastic protectors to keep little fingers and toys away. Our guest room/office has disappeared...now cluttered with more toys and stuffed animals. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Below are some of my favorite pictures from this past weeks celebration in Evan's honor:

What Happened?

And so the temper tantrums begin... I had no idea that an almost one year old could throw a temper tantrum, but they have begun for Evan. I thought those came with the "terrible twos", giving us a whole 'nother year to prepare.

Evan has always been a bit on the high-maintenance side of things...but this past week has been a challenge. This morning he had a meltdown because he ran out of snacks in his snacky-cup...and was quick to inform me (in grunts, screams, moans, cries, and flailing appendages...) that he was out. If I didn't know any better, I really think he was cussing me out... He's been sick...had him at the doctors a few days ago...and I think he may be cutting his molars. I dunno.

He's been very defiant also. He hates going into his high-chair. He hates eating. We've been trying to introduce big boy food - food we eat - but he fights us on it. He doesn't care to self-feed, although we are trying to encourage it, and would much rather throw his food over the side of his high-chair and watch Truman or Frank scramble to get it. It's frustrating...

We let him roam around and explore the living room and dining room on his own. He knows what "no" means, at least I think he does...but when we tell him no when he goes near things he's not allowed to touch or be near (the TV, curio cabinet, lead-stained glass fireplace screen, carbon monoxide tester, Truman and Frank's food bowls, the computer desk, power cords, etc)...and try to distract him with his toys or books...he fights. When we pick him up and try to play with him, he makes a beeline right back to what it was we told him not to play with.

The past couple days, he's been in that mood where he's not happy doing anything. He'll crawl over to me and it seems he wants to be held. So I'll hold him...but then he'll scream and fight. When I put him down, he'll cry and fuss because I put him down. When I try to play or read to him...it's hit and miss.

For the past couple months, Linda has been carrying a heavy work load, working 10-12 hour days. Half the time, I feel like a single father because of Linda's work demands. I feel bad, once she comes home from work, I pretty much pass Evan off to her, not really giving her a chance to take off her jacket or sit down. I really do not know how single parents do it. Don't get me wrong, I love and cherish every moment I have with Evan...just some moments are more challenging than others. This past year is proof that time really does fly by... It only seems like yesterday when we got that positive pregnancy test result - and that was over a year-and-a-half ago!

I'm hoping this is just a phase and his grumpiness will pass. I know it will...but sooner, rather than later.

On a positive note...Linda & I will be taking a cruise this fall, hopefully around our anniversary! I won a cruise through a raffle at work. We are exploring our options...neither one of us have been on a cruise before. We've got our eye on a 7-day Eastern Caribbean cruise - with stops in CocoCay, Bahamas, Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas, and Philipsburg, St. Maarten. (I'm trying to talk Linda into upgrading to a stateroom with a balcony...) I think we both deserve a much needed, relaxing break! Evan will probably be staying with his Nena and Poppa Gene, or maybe an aunt or uncle, for that week. We still have to iron out those details, amongst other things.

This Past Month

Geez, it's been over a month since either one of us blogged. It really is tough to get a post typed out without interruption when we are chasing around a very active 11 month old boy. But here's a quick update since Evan is still sleeping. (Daylight Savings has thrown him off kilter with his sleeping schedule...)

We have a walker now! Evan took his first steps the day after Valentine's Day. I'm so glad that Linda was home to see him take his first steps. I worried about that since I'm the one home with him most of the time and Linda has been working some crazy long hours at work. I think Evan was saving this momentous occasion for when both of us were home. But yeah, he took his first steps from the coffee table to the couch in that little drunk man fashion. Since then he's been getting really great at this whole walking business and steadying his balance. Pretty soon he's gonna be running, I'm sure!

I would love to brag that his eating is getting better...but it's not. We've tried to introduce him to self-feeding, but it's more of a novelty to him. He does great with snacking on the Gerber Graduates Lil Crunchies, or very small pieces of fruit... But when it comes to meal time and getting what he needs for nutrition...he'd rather throw it on the floor and watch Truman or Frank rush to gobble it up. I'm so nervous though when he does eat regular food...afraid he's gonna choke. I hover over him like a hawk, ready to yank him out and perform the Heimlich...although I've never taken a course on how to properly perform that maneuver. Evan's pediatrician gave me a crash course on how to administer that though...

We are in the process of planning Evan's first birthday party. Hard to believe it's a few short weeks away. We are gonna go with a Dr. Seuss themed party. Can't wait, but I had no idea planning this would be so much work! Also have his 1st birthday photography session scheduled too!

That's about it in a nutshell. It's just difficult to get these plunked out when we are chasing him around the house. He's into everything. Wants to play with everything he's not supposed to... By the time I get a quiet moment when he's napping or down for the night, my brain is too fried to put together a coherent sentence. I will try to do better!

A note from Truman

Being the dog of the house isn't easy these days. When the "visitor" first arrived, he just stayed in Mom or Dad's lap. He'd make noise, then would go to sleep.

He seemed sweet enough. We would all lay on the couch - my couch - like one big happy pack. And as long as I didn't try to give him a bath, we were all cool.

Then the little guy started getting grabby. He grabs my ears. My face and tries to grab my really short hair and pull. For a little guy he has quite a grip!

Now, he's moving around. He bugs me when I'm napping on the couch. He bugs me when I'm napping on the floor. All the time! He tries to smack me with his toys. And what's worse, he even tries to steal my bone. Mom and Dad are so strict with me when it comes to his toys, but they let him grab my bone all the time! How's that fair? At least they take it away from him when I want it or when he tries to chew on it.

The video below shows how he pesters me. I just want to sleep and he's trying to smack me with one of his toys. Mom tells him to "be nice." I wonder if she thought it was nice when he got her with that toy, too?

I've even had my collar taken away. I've been naked for the past 4 months! Yesterday, Mom put it on me to go for a walk around the neighborhood. We haven't done that in a long time. Mom and Dad said something about it being too cold. I don't know what cold means, but it's been terrible outside. There are huge piles of cold, white stuff blocking all of my favorite pee spots. Plus, I shake like crazy out there. I can barely feel my paws when I come in. Anyway, yesterday on the walk, the white stuff was everywhere. Mom kept griping about having to pick up the rolling thing the little person was in and carry it over all the white stuff.

When we got home, I was tired and Mom left my collar on me... until the little person started grabbing it and pulling it. I was good. I didn't knock him over like I wanted to. I tried to pull away, but his grip is SO STRONG! So, Mom pulled my collar off and put it away. Who knows when I'll get to wear it again?

He bugs my buddy, Frankie, too. He grabs his tail, pulls pawfulls of fur and even grabbed his whiskers once! Mom and Dad are pretty quick to make him stop, but I can't believe Frankie hasn't swatted him with his sharp claws. He's the biggest grump in the whole pack and even he gives him a free pass. If I try to play with him, he smacks me. Again, I don't know why this little person gets special treatment, but he seems to be pretty cute. And, when he isn't bugging me, or stealing my stuff, he's not so bad. I guess he isn't a visitor, but the newest member of our pack. That means, I'm going to have to put up with him.

Observations on Baby Poop

Based on our own experience, as well as the inputs of several friends and family, new parents are hyper aware of everything. When Evan came home from the hospital, he came with a chart to record the number of times he peed and pooped. We diligently filled out this chart for the first few weeks, and have been keeping tabs ever since.

Perhaps one of the nicest things Mother Nature does for new parents is easing us into the messy diaper process. Newborn "stools" don't really smell and really aren't anything significant. But as you ease your baby into new foods, you start seeing first-hand the results. And, as your baby progresses into more complex foods, their diapers equally go up the hazardous waste charts.

You go from, "Oh, this isn't a bad one," to "Note-to-self-NEVER-feed-THAT-to-him-again." (See Brian's post "Prunes = YUCK!")

You also learn what to expect for the day based on what you uncover in that first morning diaper. Today, for instance, Evan had what Brian and I call "the pancake poop" in his diaper this morning when I got him up. This is a very easy diaper to clean up, but usually a warning sign of what is to come later.

Sure enough, later this morning, after E took his morning bottle, I smelled something pretty funky. I scooped him up and took him into his room and it was the dreaded "diaper-full-thank-God-in-Heaven-this-didn't-leak-out" poop. And I knew it was going to be like that when I picked him up.

The Worrisome Father

Those who know me, and as I've written before in past blog entries, know that I worry constantly. I can't help it. It's just part of the fiber that is my being. It's almost a disease in and of itself. I promised myself when Evan was born that I wouldn't unnecessarily worry about the things Evan does. Nor would I call the doctor at every little cough or sneeze. And, for the most part, I think I've done good at sticking to my promise. In the back of my mind, I always have these fears and thoughts that I try to keep at bay...things like cancer, autism, Asperger's, SIDS, etc. I try to not let it consume my thoughts, but sometimes I will observe certain things that Evan does that makes those worries surface.

For instance, last night, Evan did something he's never done before...an unusual behavior for him that he's never done before. Something so innocent and probably means nothing, but I couldn't help but worry about it. I recorded this video this morning... See for yourself:

He paced back and forth, from the carpet in the dining room, to the coffee table in the living room... He did the same exact thing last night. Did about 20 laps, then got pissed off when I picked him up and tried to direct his attention elsewhere. While to most veteran parents this may be nothing to worry about...I couldn't help myself. I mentioned it to Linda last night after Evan had gone to bed. She didn't seem too concerned by it, and explained that it was probably some new game he had discovered and a way to keep himself awake. This morning, when he did this again, I almost instantly Googled autism. Then OCD. While this certain behavior doesn't necessarily fit into those symptoms, I texted Linda this video. She responded back, "Call the doctor." Using her reaction as a basis of whether or not I should panic, I asked her if she was concerned too. She responded back, "Just call and ask." So I did.

Evan's pediatrician's nurse then called back a few minutes later...and I explained it. She reassured me that Evan was probably just exploring more and found something that kept him entertained. I explained to her that I worry, sometimes for no good reason, and the thought of autism popped in my head. She asked me if Evan makes eye contact? Yes. Does Evan snuggle? Yes, if he's in the right mood. Questions I found online also do not mirror an autism diagnosis - Does Evan know his name and responds? Yes, for the most part. Does he smile and laugh? Yes. Does Evan express his emotions (happiness, joy, wonder, frustration, anger)? Yes. Does Evan reach out to be picked up? Yes. Evan had his 9 month well-check appointment a few weeks ago, and his pediatrician was pleased with his development (as he has always been), and Evan seems to be reaching all the milestones on time. In fact, Evan is standing on his own now and probably will be walking soon.

I know I'm weird to worry about this, but this behavior seemed to be a bit neurotic to me. Is it normal? While I felt a bit better after talking to the nurse, the thoughts still linger in the back of my mind. It's just I want Evan to have the best chance at life...and I can't help but watch over him like a hawk. However, I'm not the type to sneak into his room at night and check to make sure he's breathing, or jump at every peep he makes when he's sleeping. But it doesn't help that I'm suffering a bit from cabin-fever (it's been another brutally cold, crappy and snowy winter here in Kansas City...) I don't want to be that parent that hovers over their child, I just want to be sure to protect him. I know there's nothing I can do if he were to develop any of these horrible afflictions kids sometimes get. I just pray we don't have to deal with these things.