She Is Missed

I blogged last year about my mom. Sunday is her birthday, she would have been 64 years old. She passed away 3 years ago last June from breast cancer. I took Evan up to the cemetery to see his "Gommie" (a nickname my niece used to call her) today because I have to work all weekend.

My favorite picture of my mom. Her senior portrait from 1964.

When my mom died, and my dad and sister designed and ordered the headstone, they wanted to list mine and my sister's names on the back, and respectively, my niece's name would go under grandchildren... So my niece's name was the only one on there for years... A few weeks after Evan was born, my dad ordered an additional engraving to include Evan on the headstone. That has since been completed. I saw it for the first time today. Looks pretty good! It gave me a somber feeling though, but I know that my mom was rejoicing. I'm just wondering if Linda & I have another child, where would their name go?

Even though it's been three years, and life has returned back to normal for the most part, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. For me though, I dunno what's worse? Her birthday or her death day? Both are hard on me. These are really the only two days I go to the cemetery to 'see' her. Is that bad? I just wish that she was still here to meet Evan. I remember for so long, mom kept prodding me to give her another grandchild...even though at some of those points I wasn't even actively dating. Once, as a joke because I was tired of hearing it, I smartly replied, "Well, I can always go knock some chick up." She knew I was kidding, but she wasn't very thrilled with my comment. When Linda & I got married, the barrage of questions from my parents, as well as many other family and friends, came asking when we were gonna have kids! After mom passed, Linda tearfully asked, "Do you think your mom would have hung on for awhile longer if I had been pregnant?" It was just her time though. One of my friends put it best, "Who do you think sent him to you? I believe all babies are in heaven picking their parents... I think she met him, and loved him so much that she sent him to you and Linda." I like that philosophy. At any rate, I know my mom is watching over Evan. She will is and will always be his angel.

After I 'chatted' with mom...something caught my eye. A new headstone a few rows away. I walked over to it and couldn't help but feel sorrow. The headstone belonged to an infant...he died last February. He was only 5 months old. His headstone was inundated with stuffed animals, toys and flowers. The same age that Evan is now. I thought about this child and Evan all the way home. Me being the hypochondriac and the overprotective father that I am, I felt compelled to Google his obituary...only stating that he died unexpectedly. I'm assuming it was SIDS. Man that freaks me out. I don't ever want to imagine what those parents went through. I made sure to give Evan an overabundance of kisses tonight before bed.

Sorry this post is a bit glum and somber... I usually try to keep things upbeat and corny, but I just don't have it today.